Past Lives or Profit Making?

This piece is a true account of a visit to a Psychics Expo I made in 1996.

Spiritual beings in beaded skirts and raffia sandals. Pitiful lost souls seeking direction in their lives. Cynical university students desperate for fodder for a writing assignment. This odd assortment of people paid the tidy sum of five dollars to cram into the dungeon-like conference room in the bowels of the James Cook Motor Inn, Bathurst. The air was filled with anticipation and burning incense as we waited for the appearance of renowned psychic Gary Wiseman and his talk on "Tapping Into Your Past Lives".

We were treated to an enthralling musical extravaganza before we even got to the Great Gazza. A strange, balding little man sang us a poignant number about life, love and the spiritual world. His squawky voice was accompanied by tinny drums and heavenly harmonies generated by some unseen synthesiser.

As we swatted fat tears of mirth from our cheeks, the man himself, Gary Wiseman, bounded on stage and seized the microphone. A hush fell over the crowd.

"Ahh, thanks for that Rodney! Perhaps a bit more of the wah-wah pedal and the young ones will go for it, heh heh. And don’t forget ladies and gentlemen, you will soon be able to purchase our CD of Songs from the Spirit World…" These words characterised what was to follow. Endless, incoherent psycho-babble. Shameless promotion of shoddy merchandise. One tedious, unamusing joke after the other.

"It is perfectly valid to draw on experiences and knowledge from past lives and put them into practice in this life," Wiseman began. He claims that every day we are delving into the wide range of experiences from our past lives to work out how to deal with life situations. He scoffed at those who dismiss past lives at rubbish: "It’s like early experiences in this life, you’re always drawing from them."

Wiseman went on to discuss the three main ways of unlocking the secrets of the past. The first and most extreme technique is past life regression therapy, where the patient is put under hypnosis. However, Wiseman cautioned, "You probably don’t want to jump right in the deep end straight away. Some people come out of therapy… crawling on their hands and knees and tears are everywhere… they are absolutely devastated." Instead, a past life reading using tools such as clairvoyance, tarot or astrology was a highly recommended option.

"There are clues to your past lives all around you", Wiseman explained. "They’re on your face, your hair and in your family and friends. The first clues lie in your ancestry. We tend to incarnate family groups so many of your past life ancestors are in fact part of your present family."

He then launched into an enthralling anecdote about a former client, to whom Wiseman suggested was from Barbados in a former life. The client replied, "Of course! My grandfather was from Barbados, and when I grew up all I heard was Harry Belafonte songs!".

Who was I to argue with such conclusive evidence?

Wiseman went on to explain other clues that could provide insights into our previous lives. These included what foods we eat, any unusual interests, strange experiences, deep phobias or a desire to travel to a particular country. "Your doodles are also very telling," Wiseman added. "What you scribble down unconsciously often reflects past life occupations and lifestyles."

From the "past life blueprint" provided, it seemed since I loved vodka, had a passionate interest in Russian history and doodled the occasional hammer and sickle, it was highly probable that I was Lenin in a past life. The whole concept was sounding more ridiculous by the minute, particularly when Wiseman revealed to his captive audience a "crystal pendulum" that supposedly answers questions about your past lives. He barely missed a beat when he added, "We have a whole batch of these, they’re selling out in the foyer for twenty dollars each".

Wiseman hastily glanced at his watch, announcing, "Well, we’re out of time ladies and gentlemen." He suggested that now we were equipped with this vast knowledge of tapping into our sordid past that we try some self-analysis or get a past life reading. "There are two psychics here today who can give you a reading," he added slyly.

"Three psychics!" piped up a loud voice. From behind a whiteboard, a tacky hand-made puppet appeared.

Wiseman gasped, feigning surprise. "Oh! Not you again!" he exclaimed with limited conviction.

For the next ten minutes the audience was subjected to some sparkling, witty and oh-so-spontaneous banter between Wiseman and the deranged puppet, who claimed it was a past life expert.

At last the ordeal was over as Wiseman remarked, "You can become a broader human being by drawing from your past lives. And have fun with them. Past lives can be hilarious!"

As we filed out of the room, Wiseman devotees were already queuing up for thirty-dollar palm readings, astrological charts and dubious-looking chunks of rock that promised good karma for life.

Next week the traveling psychic circus will follow its spirit guide to the town of Dubbo. Once again, Gary Wiseman, in his luxury astral plane, will be laughing all the way to the bank.